


The Devil Almost Got Me For Some Rosebushes And A Built-In China Cabinet

by AsagiStilinski



Series: Yoitober 2019 [24]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Character's Name Spelled as Yuri, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Inktober 2019, Katsuki Yuuri is So Done, M/M, Married Couple, Married Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Married Life, Social Media, Sort Of, Supernatural Elements, Victor Nikiforov Being an Idiot, Victor Nikiforov is Extra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-03 16:29:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21182495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: Viktor Katsuki:So I may have done the whitest thing imaginable today, I never thought I would be this white woman, but here we areJoin me for this storyOr: When house hunting, Viktor and Yuri are almost lured in by a house that Yuri is 99% sure is owned by The Devil himself, all for some crown moldings and a claw-foot tub





	The Devil Almost Got Me For Some Rosebushes And A Built-In China Cabinet

**Author's Note:**

> Day 24- "Dizzy"
> 
> Directly inspired by THIS blessed thread
> 
> https://twitter.com/rantingowl/status/862680785412870144?lang=en

**Viktor Katsuki:** _So I may have done the whitest thing imaginable today, I never thought I would be this white woman, but here we are_

_Join me for this story_

**October 22nd, 9:55 A.M.**

"Do you think this will be it Yuri? Do you think this will be our house?"

Viktor could barely contain himself, he was so excited that he might just burst

"I wouldn't get my hopes up Viktor, we've only seen a few places so far and usually it takes a wile to find the perfect place,"

Viktor gave a quiet "pft" sound, waving off his husband's concern as he drove

The gate was just up ahead and he was so excited that he was going to start squealing any minute

"Maybe that's how things are for most people, but I have faith!! We'll surely find something very soon, it's just a matter of if this one is that something or not, after all, when have we ever bowed to expectations?"

Lips quirking up into a small grin, Yuri leaned back and wrapped his hand around his husband's

"You do have a point.... I just don't want you to be disappointed, that's all,"

"Oh zolotse," Viktor sighed dreamily

"I could never be disappointed about anything so long as you're at my side,"

**Viktor Katsuki:** _The lease on my apartment is going to run out, and now that Worlds are over we finally have time to start hunting for a place of our own_

_We found this lovely old building in a very small, secluded area, driving distance from the rink but away from the center of the city_

_It rained last night so it's a bit gloomy, the ground is wet, there are vines on the house, I thought it was gorgeous but Yuri wasn't as enthused_

**October 22nd, 10:00 A.M.**

"It's gorgeous!!"

"It's.... creepy...."

Viktor's mouth fell open, a devastated look on his face as he wipped around and stared at his husband in disbeleif

"Yuri how could you!?"

"S-Sorry, it's just.... it kinda reminds me of one of those scary movie houses..."

"That's just because of the rain and the fog, but it'll look all bright and lovely in the sunshine!! Besides, a little gothicism never hurt anyone, right?"

"I guess so...."

Yuri still wasn't that convinced, but he also wasn't shallow enough to judge an entire house by a rainy day and some vines, especially at the price point, wich kind of made him wonder why the price point was where it was but that answer may become obvious soon so he decided to hold off on asking for now

**Viktor Katsuki:** _The first thing we noticed is this weird grate thing on the inside_

_Well, I say "we" but it was Yuri who noticed it_

**October 22nd, 10:07 A.M.**

"Oooh look Yuri! Crown molding!!!"

"E-Excuse me, um.... what is _this_?"

Viktor turned away from his admiration for a moment, glancing down in surprise at a weird looking metal grate in the floor

......

Huh

"Oh that's just the return vent for the AC," Vera, the real estate agent, replied with ease, turning her attention back to Viktor and the molding, apparently not caring to drag out the conversation any more than necessary

"Why does it look like the bars to a dungeon?"

Yuri, however, wasn't done

Vera turned back around, her face slightly pale when she answered this time

"Oh that's just... a Russian architecture thing, you'll notice alot of qualities about Russian buildings are a bit more on the gothic side, especially the older homes,"

Yuri glanced at Viktor, squinting, an "Are you buying this shit?" look on his face

"Sounds legit!"

Apparently Viktor was

**Viktor Katsuki:** _We move on in the tour and check out the kitchen, it's a good size! I can't cook for shit but Yuri can, though to be honest we don't often have the energy for doing anything elaborate, it's medium sized and that's fine_

_But anyway, Yuri noticed another thing_

**October 22nd, 10:16 A.M.**

"Why are there scratches on the window?"

Viktor, who had been admiring the BUILT. IN. SPICE RACK. turned away breifly from what he was doing to see what his husband was referring to

Oh

The window over the kitchen sink

It... yep... those were some long, ugly scratches down it alright

"Oh I think that's just wear and tear, the house is very old," Vera supplied unhelpfully

"They look like claw marks," Yuri insisted

"I mean our poodle scratches just like this,"

**Viktor Katsuki:** _I'll be honest, I sorta tuned out for a moment right there because hearing my darling husband call Makkachin *OUR* poodle.... *sobs*_

_Anyway we went to check out the upstairs and it has three bedrooms! THREE! The master bedroom is EXQUISITE and the smallest looks PERFECT for a nursery!!!! ;_;_

_But sadly it wasn't perfect because apparently there's a door to another dimension or some shit in it too_

**October 22nd, 10:39 A.M.**

"Um, what is this little door in the closet for...?"

"What little door?"

Viktor was still busy fantasizing about painting the walls in pastels and drawing little teddy bears on the borders when this conversation began, so he only turned around a moment later

"Oh, I never noticed that before...."

Surely enough, in the back of the closet, there was a little door, just about big enough for a nine or ten-year-old child to walk through at full height, barely big enough for an adult to crawl through but manageable all the same

**Viktor Katsuki:** _It was like that shit from Get Out or something, I swear to God, Yuri said it looked like a Dissappointments Room and that's???? TERRIFYING?!?! I don't even know if Russia ever had those but?!?!?!!_

**October 22nd, 10:41 A.M.**

The room was definitely small

There was a doornob on the outside along with a deadbolt, but on the inside of the door there was nothing

The floor was metal with a drain in it, and all that was inside was a wooden chair

...............

_Ok then_

"This looks like it's from Get Out or something," Yuri muttered quietly, keeping his arms curled close to his chest as he stepped reluctantly further into the room, staring down anxiously at the drain

"Or from The Disappointments Room,"

"I'm sure there's a rational explanation at play here...." Viktor mumbled quietly

Although to be perfectly honest even he was starting to get a little freaked out here...

"Let's check out the basement next, shall we?" Vera suggested suddenly

Yuri did _not_ look pleased

**Viktor Katsuki:** _So we go down to the basement, hubby is more and more tense, but the basement looked nice at first! Clean, spacious, some shelving units....... and a door in the back with three padlocks and a sliding lock_

**October 22nd, 10:47 A.M.**

"Where does that door lead?"

"Oh, I don't think it goes anywhere,"

The look on Yuri's face would have been comical if it weren't so completely horrified

"It's a _door_, unless this is the Winchester Mystery House it has to go _somewhere_," Yuri insisted, his voice growing in concern

"I think it goes to the backyard," Vera replied, trying hastily to get the figure skater away from the creepy door

"Why is it locked then? With _four different locks_?"

Vera, by now, was starting to sweat

**Viktor Katsuki:** _So then we decided to look at the backyard, and by "we", I mean the RE agent and I, Yuri following behind us shaking his head the entire time_

_The backyard is adorable, it has an iron fence and lots of space, rosebushes!!! AND A FIREPIT!! So there I am, admiring a firepit and forgetting about the door in the basement keeping the devil out and the one upstairs possibly trying to invite him in_

**October 22nd, 10:59 A.M.**

"Oh look Yuri! That's where the door from the basement leads!" Viktor chimed excitedly, pointing towards a door in the side of the house

"Vitya, you realize, don't you, that that door is on the _opposite_ side of the house from where the one in the basement is?" Yuri pointed out, taking a few steps around to point at the other side of the house

"_That_ is where the door to the basement should be,"

Surely enough, there was nothing there but a blank wall

......

"Ah... well......"

"This yard will have lots of room for your dog to roam!"

Vera, ever the saleswoman, wasn't giving up just because Yuri was poking crater-sized holes through her pitch

"You said you had a poodle right? Standard size? I bet he or she will need a big yard!"

"Actually Makka is really more of an indoor dog," Viktor said slowly

"What about kids though? Didn't you say you wanted a big family full of kids?"

"Yes... but not until we retire, and we might move back to Japan to raise our family..."

"But you might not and you wouldn't want to invest in a house with a small yard in case you have all those kiddos here, right?"

"Th-That's true...."

Yuri looked like he was going to puke

**Viktor Katsuki:** _We went back inside via the basement and that's when things got REALLY out of hand, because as soon as Yuri passed by The Doorway To The Underworld HE FUCKING PASSED OUT_

**October 22nd, 11:09 A.M.**

"So the clawfoot tub in the upstairs bathroom was just recently refurbished, it has a new drain and everything,"

Vera was going to sell this house to the Katsukis or die trying, Viktor was pretty sure

"V-Vitya..." Yuri mumbled quietly, though, Viktor was too focused on the description of the new carpet in the master bedroom to hear him

"It also comes fully furnished, as mentioned, so that lovely king sized bed will be all your's,"

"Vitya...."

"And I'm willing to bet we could negotiate the price down another-"

"_Viktor_.."

Finally, Viktor realized he was being spoken to by his husband and turned around, just in time to see Yuri stumble on his feet and collapse to the floor

"Yuri?!!? YURI!!!!"

**Viktor Katsuki:** _Obviously we left right then, I managed to wake Yuri as we were leaving the basement but he felt woozy the entire time it took us to get away from the house, it wasn't until we were atleast five miles away that he finally was back to normal_

**October 22nd, 11:23 A.M.**

"I'm so sorry Yuri, I am _so sorry_, I should have been paying closer attention to you!! Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah.... yeah, I'm fine Vitya, I promise, don't worry.... I just...." he paused, exhaling slowly as he carefully repositioned himself in the seat so that he was less laying down and more sitting up

"I started feeling so dizzy as soon as we went back around that damn door.... it was just overwelming by that point,"

"Still...." Viktor mumbled back, uncertainty clear in his voice as he gently wrapped his hand around his husband's

"No, not 'still', it wasn't your fault Vitya, or your responsibility, you couldn't have known any more than I could have that it would do that to me,"

"I understand, but-"

"No 'buts' either, I know you're going to find a way to make yourself responsible for this but it wasn't your fault, I mean it, ok?"

"...... Ok,"

"Good," Yuri sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned back in the passenger's seat and let himself begin to relax

"So what did you think of the house?"

Yuri's eyes snapped open like some unholy creature from a horror movie

**Viktor Katsuki:** _And there you have it everyone, I've never understood why there's that running joke about white people being totally stupid and blind to the devil's handiwork but I get it now, because today, TODAY, I was That Dumb White Bitch_

_I almost signed a lease with The Conjuring for original hardwood flooring and a claw-foot bathtub_

_Yuri is going to light some incense for us in case The Devil saw me swooning over the potential nursery and the fucking spice rack_

_I thank God every single day that I married Yuri Katsuki but I'm going to start thanking him also for the fact that my husband is Japanese and has SURVIVAL INSTINCTS that apparently was bred out of my bloodline_

_I live in Russia, I can survive blizzards with nothing but a basic coat but my dumb ass almost let the devil get me for some fucking rosebushes and a built in china cabinet_

_I've never really been that religious BUT I'M ABOUT TO BE_

_@Leo_Iglesia_Official do you have any extra crosses laying around????_

_It figures honestly though, my Yuri's soul is so pure, ofcourse he'd get woozy around THE DEVIL'S DOOR_

**Leo de la Iglesia**: _@Viktor_Nikiforov_Official You're lucky you married someone with a little melanin my freind_

**Viktor Katsuki**: _@Leo_Iglesia_Official I KNOW it's the only thing that saved us ;_;_

**Viktor Katsuki:** _By the way, I see some of you replying with "Oh a clawfoot tub, now I understand" and "China cabinet tho" and I'M PRAYING FOR ALL OF YOU PLEASE START WATCHING HORROR MOVIES_

**Yuri Plisetsky:** _@Viktor_Nikiforov_Official GIVE ME THAT ADDRESS I WANT TO SEE THIS SHIT FOR MYSELF_

**Viktor Katsuki:** _@TheofficialYuriPlisetsky WHY?! You can't buy a house??? Even if you could why would you want The Home Of Damien Thorn?!_

**Yuri Plisetsky:** _@Viktor_Nikiforov_Official I don't, I want to take Beka and see what's behind that locked door_

**Yuri Nikiforov-Katsuki** _@TheofficialYuriPlisetsky ABSOLUTELY NOT_

**Yuri Plisetsky:** _@Hasetsu_Katsuki_Yuri YOU'RE NOT MY MOM_

**Yuri Nikiforov-Katsuki:** _@TheofficialYuriPlisetsky I'm close enough, but that isn't even the point, the POINT is we are not giving this address to ANYONE_

_I got *PHYSICALLY ILL* in that house?? I am not going to inflict that upon another person even if they ask me to, right @Viktor_Nikiforov_Official ?_

**Viktor Katsuki:** _@ all you true-crimers, here's the address!! :3 Please PLEASE let me know what you find out! Was it a murder house or something? I need to know!!!!_

**Viktor Katsuki:** _ ....................... Ooops @Hasetsu_Katsuki_Yuri_

**Yuri Nikiforov-Katsuki:** _@Viktor_Nikiforov_Official *VIKTOR*!!!!_


End file.
